Oh Monkey...

...you know me so well(: My horoscope of the day reads as follows; A waning romance could have you feeling isolated. Seeking the company of friends, even close ones, is not likely to prove much more fruitful. It's advisable to think of something to do on your own that will allow you to relax, exercise your mind, and enjoy yourself. Oh how right you are my dear horoscope,although my romance is NOT waning, these past few days I have been feeling rather lonely and although I have his company at all times I sometimes DO want time with my friends. But when I do get time with my friends I still end up feeling lonely. Now I see that what I really need is time for myself, to do things that make ME happy and that keep me busy. After yesterday I have put my life into perspective and I now see that it is not time apart from HIM that I desire it is time for change that I need. I believe I have to change how I am before I can truly be happy. I have good friends at schools, a great girl friend that I can count on whenever I need help with anything, a wonderful family (especially my mom) that I can count on no matter what and most importantly my wonderful boyfriend, whom without I would be incomplete. Thank you horoscope you have opened my ideas so that I can see who really is the most important in my life, myself.

Negative.

I never in my life thought that at 18 I would be going through this. I never thought I would have to worry about such a thing. I'm scared, worried and stressed out. I want to know that everything is ok that I'm going to be ok and that nothing is wrong with me. My mind is spinning with thoughts on what would happen and how my whole entire life will change. I hope it's all in my head and that I'm not sick that I am perfectly healthy and my life will go on. I have so many plans and so many dreams; this path is NOT an option. I will be ok.

I don't miss you as a friend.

It's funny how fast "close friends" can be replaced. I'm beyond happy with my life right now. I don't regret excluding people from my life because without them I am so much happier. I refuse to be friends with suck fake as girls. I found some genuine friends at school, people that aren't two faced, lying, hypocritical bitches. My friendship with these people is slowly growing on a daily basis. I am learning so much about myself and how capable I am of standing on my own two feet. I use to depend so much on the people around me, I went to them for comfort, advise and love; but now I know that I can find all these things within myself. I'm proud of the decisions I have made and I wouldn't have it any other way.

A Trip Down Memory Lane.

Yesterday I went to lunch with my old friend Ariel. It has been months since I last talked to her and it wasn't until yesterday that I realized how much I had been missing her friendship. It took a while for me to notice just how alone I really was. This past month I lost some of what I thought were close friends and it didn't hit me until yesterday that I was alone without a real girl friend to talk to, but by some strange coincidence Ariel text me during class asking if we could hang out. I was thrilled and a little nerves to see her since it has been so long. When she came to my house it felt like I had seen her just last week. We quickly went in to catching up with each other over chili cheese fries and an avocado bacon cheese burger, YUM. We went on and on about our lives and school and our boyfriends. I told her about my problems with "friends" and she understood me. She knew exactly what I was going through and she told me she went through the same thing. Then she told me about what has been happening with her and I sat there listening to her troubles and saw how much she needed a real friend and I'm glad she chose me to be there for her. After we finished eating we payed a visit to our elementary school where our friendship first began. It was like going back in time for a while. We sat on a bench and continued with our talk. We laughed, cried and just opened up about everything. It was as if all the months we spent not talking had no affect on our friendship. I'm glad I have her back in my life and I'm looking forward to spending more time with her.